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Join date : 2011-01-09
 | | Subject: The rules of child rearing Tue Jan 18, 2011 10:14 am | |
| The rules of child rearing
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All rules stem from the boundaries we’ve created. There doesn’t need to be a lot of these, in fact it’s easier to keep them as simple and as consistent as possible. Develop rules that both develop a good sense of respect for self, others and things, and develops responsibility
Most of us work better if we have a little carrot in front of us. It may be money, or time off, or the longer term payoff of a better relationship. These are the things that drive us.
Rules are far more likely to be adhered to if children can see the payoff for doing so. Work out consequences for rules not being adhered to and stick to them firmly right from the start. If your child is consistently bucking the system, look at the rules. Does
your child perceive its fair? Are they confused as one day you make them stick to the rules and the next day you don’t? Keep it simple, keep it consistent. Sit down and work out the basic rules of your home. These can be quite broad, and relate back to the boundaries.
They may be as follows:
Our house is a place where we talk to each other with respectful and pleasant voices.
Our house is a place where ours and other people’s belongings are cared for and we put them away when they are not in use.
Our home needs a lot of work to make it run, and it’s everyone’s job to help at their own level to help it get there.
The focus on rules is to keep them positive and broad, and simple, and then let your little rules spring from these. These rules closely reflect your own values.
CHALLENGE: What rules do you already have in your home? Are they currently being enforced? If not, why not? Is it because they are far too many, far too complicated? Or is it that you yourself can’t see the reason for them?
Write down the rules in your home. Take a look at them. Are these rules that will contribute to your child’s future success? Tweak the rules until they are both something you are happy to enforce if necessary, and they will positively improve your child’s chance at success.
RESPONSIBILITY
In the Western world we often now raise our children to be little princes and princesses. We want them to be children, to play and have fun. If we do take away the fun, it’s normally to replace it instead with extra curricular activities such as after school French, tennis or ballet. While of course all of these have a place, and teach us important skills, it’s often at the cost of a more important lesson – of learning responsibility.
When we get busy and find ourselves running from activity to activity, we also often move into the “I’ll do it, it’s easier” mode. We get them dress, we pack their bags, we make the breakfast, or we half do their homework.
Sometimes it’s good to reality check just how much you are doing for your child, and therefore preventing them to grow into their own independence by looking at children in developing countries. They are often expected to clean the house, cook the dinner, and walk long distances for water- right from a very young age.
While it’s not perhaps the best to advocate taking your child on as a maid, it is good to make sure they have jobs and a role in your family. This is their training ground. Once used to it, they’ll thrive on feeling responsible.
CHALLENGE: Identify what your child is currently responsible for. Ask yourself if it is age appropriate, and if it needs challenging. Are they contributing to the running of the household? A three year old can fill the recycling bin, a five year old can clean up their toys, an eight year old can make a salad for dinner, a teen should be able to do your weeks’ shopping of required.
Our children will want to succeed if they feel its all part of being on team. Build a sense of you all working together towards the
common goal of a happy and healthy family. Children want to be involved- it’s a natural and healthy inclination ======== | |
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